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Mourning Mother’s Day

Given that I have not been feeling well enough to write a new blog post and the fact that I always write a post regarding Mother’s Day, I decided to post something short with a link to something I wrote last May. (I have already noticed many visitors to Mother’s Day posts from years past). With 1 in 8 couples affected by infertility, odds are good that you know someone struggling with infertility (whether you know it or not). Insensitive remarks and judgmental comments often drive those struggling with infertility to keep their struggle private.



This Mother’s Day, please show compassion to the women – and men – around you who are childless (whether they are childless by choice or not). We live in a child-centric society and being childless can feel very isolating. There are all sorts of reasons that people are childless. The last thing childless people need is to be judged by others or condescended to. Sadly, the childless people I have interacted with tend to get heaping doses of both judgment and condescension. Some people’s comments aren’t intended to be malicious but they are hurtful nonetheless.

If you have a friend or loved one who is struggling with infertility and you don’t know what to say/do to be supportive, the best thing you can do is take cues from that person/couple. They may wish to talk about it and they may not. They may be happy to tell you what is helpful and what is not. They may wish not to discuss it at all. Everyone is different and one person’s process for dealing with loss may differ quite a bit from another’s. By asking your friend or loved one how you can help, you show them that you care. Bear in mind that they are most likely inundated with unsolicited advice. This is why taking cues from them is really important.

This is a difficult time of year for anyone who has suffered a loss that results in Mother’s Day bringing up painful memories. This is not limited to those experiencing infertility and/or pregnancy loss.

This post was written by Jeanne at http://chronichealing.com. Copyright © Jeanne — chronichealing.com. All rights reserved.


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Reading: Mourning Mother’s Day

5 comments

1 DianeNo Gravatar { 05.06.11 at 4:32 pm }

Jeanne, thanks for reminding us about this helpful post from last year. I hope you feel better soon!

2 AnnieNo Gravatar { 05.06.11 at 5:21 pm }

This is a great reminder. I was lucky not to get a lot of hurtful comments because I have secondary infertility, so it’s not so obvious to the world. I can’t imagine how those with primary infertility endure all the unsolicited advice and commentary!

3 ShaunaNo Gravatar { 05.06.11 at 6:19 pm }

Jeanne dear,

This is a very important point that you focus on…so many of us think of Mother’s Day as honoring our own moms, and don’t really think about the women who do not have any children because of infertility. Thanks to you and your non-stop work on making infertility an important issue to pay more attention to, we can all learn something.

Prayers for the women who for whatever reason, are not moms, and blessings for those who are our mothers, living or not. I adore my mom and miss her so very, very much!! When she died I lost my best friend.

Gentle Hugs honey—-<3

4 DarleneNo Gravatar { 05.07.11 at 11:51 am }

This is a very important issue. Thank you Jeanne for being so supportive to those that have had to deal with insensitive comments and sentiments.

It would be a better world, if people would be more caring and empathetic, and count their blessings.

Hugs……… Darlene

5 JeanneNo Gravatar { 05.09.11 at 1:02 am }

Diane:

Thank you, Diane!

Annie:

I can’t imagine either. Some people say some incredibly insensitive remarks. I’m glad you were spared these (at least for the most part).

Shauna:

Thank you for your kind words. I think our society has a ways to go in accepting and supporting infertile couples appropriately. I’m very sorry for your loss. I’m sure your mother is proud of you every day. Gentle hugs!

Darlene:

I agree; it is an important issue. Thank you for your kind words. You are always brimming with compassion for others, regardless of their specific circumstances.

It really would be a better world if people would exercise basic compassion and understanding regarding this incredibly emotional issue. Thank you, Darlene, for always having a kind word to say to everyone.

Hugs back to you……

~~~

Jeanne

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